My boy

• So, I was rereading some of my blog entries the other day, and I don't think I am really accomplishing what I wanted. I mean, it does sort of create a snapshot of Jammy's day to day life, but it doesn't really capture the things that I most want to remember. Its mostly specific moments of his baby-ness that I know will be short lived that I want to memorialize. Some examples:
  
  Little tiny baby mullet. Party in the back, business in the front. His little hair is so soft, and its darker and longer right above his neck, and then he has a little bald spot in the back. When he wakes up, the sides of it sometimes stick straight out, and he looks like he has funny little wings. It makes him look surprised, or like an Einstein-esque little scientist. It is totally adorable. Sometimes he wakes up having spit up, and it has dried on the back of his neck, and his hair is all crinkly from it.
  
• When he his finished nursing, his cheeks are flushed completely pink.

• Sometimes he sucks in his sleep. Its like he is dreaming about eating. It is so completely adorable. And then he will smile or frown in his sleep too. What is he dreaming about?


• He makes these little cooing noises that just kill me. He has such a beautiful little voice.


• He has the poutiest little lower lip. Sometimes it sticks out in his sleep.


• He gets heavier when he falls asleep in your arms. And he get so relaxed and noodle like, you can flop his arms around.


• He often has these very concerned eyebrows, like he is a little worried about the state of the world.


• Sometimes when he sleeps he sticks his feet up in the air. He will be this little bundle of blanket, and the lower half of it won't be touching the bed. Anti-gravity feet.


• He sleeps with his hands above his head, like he is cheering on some kind of secret baby olympics.


• When he wakes up, he does all these fabulous stretches, and makes these great squinty, grunty, waking up faces. Its just how I feel when I wake up.


• Sometimes he wakes up, and just talks to himself in his crib. When I go to pick him up, his face breaks into his big, drooly, toothless grin. It is the most endearing thing.

• He is a kicky little guy. When I change his diapers, sometimes his legs just keep kicking, like he is doing an imaginary stationary bike.


• When I change his diaper, sometimes he just laughs, like it is the greatest joke ever. His laugh is my most favorite sound in the world. Sometimes it is kind of gurgly, or he sort of gasps for air, like he is laughing so hard he can't breathe. Or else he just smiles, and I try to make him laugh with raspberries and kisses on his little belly, and his cheeks and neck. Its a toss up, whether he will laugh or just smile.


• He tries so hard to hold his head up, but when his neck gets tired, or when he is on his tummy, it wobbles like a little bobble head.

• His hands are so soft and kind of pudgy. There are little dimples at his knuckles.
  

• He so warm and soft and snuggly. He just melts into you when you hold him.
  

It makes me teary eyed to think about all this stuff, and the things that I will mis when he gets bigger. It makes me really reluctant to go back to work, because I don't want to miss out. But at least I know that I am the one missing out, and its not going to bother him at all. He will have all kinds of fun, and I know he will be taken care of probably better than I do. But I really will miss him. I was telling him that today was the last day of our special fun summer vacation together, and about how much fun I had with him, and about who was going to be taking care of him next week, and I just couldn't stop crying. He did his best to cheer me up though. What a nice baby.