The Triple Threat Diaper Change

Please note - if you are not now, or have not recently been, the parent of an infant, you should skip this entry. Not only will you find it boring and disgusting, but your opinion of me will drop considerably because of the subject matter which I will now embark upon. Trust me, if you ever have a baby in the future, and you still want to read it, I will email it to you, and you will appreciate it then.

Ok, so hopefully if you are still with me, you are part of a parents only audience. Whoever would have thought that I would be the kind of person that would publicly (well semi-publicly) write about poop? But here I am, about to do it. We had a doozy of an exciting diaper change this afternoon, like we haven't had since the boy was just brand new. First of all, he was very upset and making all kinds of red angry faces. This is never a good sign. So I changed him once, and there was just a tiny bit of poop. Followed by about five more minutes of red angry faces. And an impressive poop explosion of a diaper. So, I am trying to mop him up, which takes 4 cloth diapers, 2 diaper wipes, a clean changing pad, and even to wipe down part of the changing table. It was not a pretty picture. As I am mid wipedown, he starts peeing straight up into the air, with impressive arc, which gets not only all over his outfit, but his face too. I'm telling you, the kid has got range. Another cloth diaper later, his poor little face is cleaned up. I should mention here that at this point, he is happy as a clam, babbling away in little baby Swahili, kicking his feet and smiling at me. Ok, clean up done, and I get a fresh new diaper on him. At which point he spits up on his arm. Oh for Chrissakes, is there any bodily fluid or substance that he is not activley expelling all over the place? I suppose I should be grateful that he wasn't runny-nosed and bleeding.