My life as a dairy farm

I had always planned to breast feed Benjamin. I know all the research says it is the best, and is directly correlated to higher SAT scores and athletic prowess, or something like that. It also seemed easier to me than having to mess with mixing and heating formula in the middle of the night. So there was no question I would do it, as I fully expect him to get a college scolarship, which he will need both good SATs and athletic prowess for. It turns out its really hard! At first it hurts like nobodies business. And it feels like nothing is happening, and there is no way he is actually getting any nutrition, or anything at all really, out of it. That phase lasts for 2 days. And then your milk comes in. Which doesn't sound like a big deal right? Wrong! My breasts were giant, and hard as rock. It felt like I had 2 footballs in my shirt. And they hurt. I mean really hurt. I couldn't sleep, couldn't move hurt. I was petrified that it would stay like that for all of breast feeding, and I would have to give up and feed him formula, and he would wind up at a community college. I think this phase only lasted a day and half or so, but it really sucked. After that, it still hurt for awhile when he would start eating. It seems like a design flaw that nipples should be made extra sensitive, and also have to withstand this kind of abuse. But that went away too, and Benjamin and I got the hang of it. At first, he wasn't that good with finding the right place and latching on. He has this wobbly little neck, and this old man face, and he would get this glinty determined look in his eye, and his mouth would be wide open. He would do sort of a wobbly necked swoop and dive in, and than a really enthusiastic chomp on, and the whole thing reminded me of a snappy turtle. Pretty cute actually. Now that he is an old pro at it, I kind of miss my snappy turtle guy. Another draw back to the breast feeding is the constantly leaky breasts. I feel like my shirts are always wet. Very attractive. It looks like I peed my pants, but somehow got my shirt instead.

There are some pluses though. Breast feeding is definitely the best diet ever. He is just over 2 months old, and I have lost all but 4 pounds of the pregnancy weight. I have been eating better than normal, and walking a lot, but still, I thought it would take a year to get back to this size. So that rocks. My stomach muscles are another story of course, but I am looking on the bright side now. So, other good stuff about breast feeding. Well, you get to sit down and rest for lots of 20 minute stretches, where you can't feel guilty about not doing anything, because you are doing something, something very important. And it is a good time to talk on the phone or read a book, or just admire the baby. And the baby does some really funny things too, so he is fun to watch. Lots of times when he is so hungry he is anxious and fussy, as soon as he starts to eat his little eyes roll back into his head, and I imagine he is just like a druggie getting his fix. I don't have too much experience on that front, but thats how I picture it. And when he is done eating and full, he goes into this very stoned looking blissed out food coma. Its also excellent snuggle time, and a great excuse to make people bring you stuff. Everything always tastes better when someone else gets it for you, right? So thats nice too. Also, your body makes all these happy hormones when you breast feed, probably to trick you into continuing to do it. So I get to have a little blissed out, happy relaxed feeling too, and I probably look just as stoned as he does. Another bonus is that the littke guy seems to like me, as I think he realizes that I am the food wagon. So that is nice too.

Pumping is another story, totally unpleasant. First off, it hurts some. And I haven't figured out how to do it with no hands, so I can't even change the channel or talk on the phone or read a book. And the whole apparatus is very dairy cow like, not attractive at all. Pretty embarassing actually. And of course I have my pump set up near the front window. Our house is pretty high up off the street, so passers by etc. can't see in. But our neighbor across the street and 2 houses down are even higher up above the street, and I'm pretty sure have a great view of the whole thing. Woo-hoo! Free show for them! And I have no idea what the lasting effects on my body will be, not good probably, but thats a whole other discussion.