and so it begins

A small detour from vacation photos, and then we will get back to them tomorrow. A couple of years ago, I remember my friend Heidi being worried about missing her son Miles' first steps because she was at work. And I thought, oh come one, its not like those are the only steps he'll ever take, suck it up. You'll see some other steps. Of course I also remember thinking she was over reacting because she cried from being stressed out about finding child care. (And we all know how that worked out for me. Or maybe you don't. Envision tears, both copious and squirty. Many of them.) Ok, so time to bite my tongue, big time, sorry Heidi! See the photo of the small man in the red and blue stripes, busily devouring his rhino? He looks like a little guy, right? WRONG! Marnie the fabulous nanny took him to the aquarium today, which is great, but makes me sad for all kinds of reasons. First off, I have now missed the first zoo trip and the first aquarium trip. Secondly, I had no idea he was big enough to be interested at all. But he loved it! She said he thought the sea otters were hilarious, and was all excited when they would come by, and was laughing and alert and awake the whole time. He has slept through both zoo trips, so I really don't feel like I missed out much there. But who knew he would even notice anything at the aquarium?? He is so big and grown up! He goes on field trips while I am at work!! I have already started missing out on his big firsts, and I have been back to work for just over 2 months. Sad.

What am I doing?

What a long and crappy day at work today. My head hurts and I am so ready for bed. At 6:05 pm. Definitely one of the days that makes me wonder what I am doing here, and why I am not at home with my little snuggle monkey walking around greenlake and singing I'm a little teapot all day. Hmpf.

Guess who is a total moron?

I admit the title/photo is misleading here, but I didn't have another picture available. In case you were wondering I am the total moron. I am suffering from a severe case of "milk brain" which causes normally intelligent women to become bumbling, nonsense spouting, idiots when breastfeeding. I was at work today, in the little phone room, all set to breast pump. So I turn the pump on, and it starts making its litte whoosh-whoosh sound. And then I look down at my legs and wonder to myself, now why on earth would there be breastmilk squirting onto my jeans? Its because some total GENIUS forgot to attach the bottles to the pumping thingy, and so I was just pumping away, into thin air. Definitely not one of my smarter moments. I had a couple of similar incidents during pregnancy, one of which involved accidentally wearing black and pink teva flip flops to work, and the other calling my sister's cell phone number on a work conference call, on speaker phone. In a conference room full of coworkers. Ah, yes, the sheer joys of complete hormonal imbalance. Milk brain is also manifesting itself in my total lack of word recall. I just stutter and stammer, unable to come up with the right word, and inevitabley say the totally wrong thing. I had a conversation with a coworker yesterday, where I kept asking him if he had borrowed the disposable camera. He had no idea what the heck I was talking about, until he finally translated it into the digital camera. Its a good thing people around here have a sense of humor, and are pretty tolerant of my.... I have no idea what word I am looking for. Its not craziness, although that might apply, and its not inconsistency, although that sort of works too. Absentmindedness? Thickheadedness? Scatterbrain-edness? Well, a prize to the first person to come up with the right word.

Bad Blog Mom!

Well, if I am not the laziest blogger ever, I don't know who is... (Yes I do, its Miss Doxie, who we haven't heard from since 12/4. grrr.) But I did go all week with nary a post, which is sad. Soooo, let me think here, and try to do a quick recap of the week.

1. Peps on Monday night. The highlight here was definitely Luca. Benjamin and Luca were engaged in a staring contest for much of the night. They were fascinated with each other. It was very funny. I haven't seem him notice another baby quite like that before. Highly entertaining. Also, girl scout cookies and wine were my dinner that night, so that was good too.

2. I don't think I mentioned at all that Hillary was in town last weekend. Obviously it was much fun. She was here for a convention, so she didn't stay with us, but I got to meet up with her for brunch on Sunday morning. Eggs Benedict at Maxmillian's at the market - yum! I also got to play a little bit of tour guide for Jen and her mom Pam who had never been to Seattle which was cool too. In some supremely poor planning, I tried to shop all day, only going home once to feed the boy. I was in the Gap downtown with Hillary and Maija, boobs killing me, t-shirt soaked trying to decide what to do. I ended up coming home a little earlier than planned. Sigh. But it was great to have some girl time and help the two preggos look for maternity wear.

3. Big week at work with Matt trying to buy the Sonics. He was all over the news, and I have been overhearing lots of conversations with important people. I am really hoping he can pull it off. The Oklahoma City Super Sonics is too depressing to contemplate.

4. Went to REAP on Friday night. This is the second time I have gone since the boy's arrival. I have to say the first time was more fun. After the snacks and the wine, when we actually got around to talking about stocks, I was struggling to stay awake. Yawn. Not that it was boring, I was just a tired girl.

5. Had lunch with Felicity on Friday afternoon. She is coming back to work at Pine Street in a month! Yay! I am so excited to have her back. It will be much fun around the office. She also gave me a manicure gift cert, and a hilarious card with an angry baby on the front.

6. Saturday morning Benjamin rolled over from his back to his front. Sort of. In a cheating kind of way. Loren woke up and brought him in to bed with us when he wanted to eat first thing in the morning. So he was laying between us on his back, and he rolled over to his front, toward Loren. The thing is, with our old and crappy mattress, Loren creates a good downhill slope in his direction, so gravity actually did most of the work. He is very close though, and any day should do it on his own.

7. Went for a run with Auntie Cookie Saturday morning. Well, more of a walk with intermittent runinng interspersed throughout. It was harder than I thought, in more ways than I expected. First off, I ended up wearing two sports bras, as I have not had time to purchase a more heavy duty variety one, since the arrival of my new ginormous chest. Well that worked out ok, except that it was so tight around my rib cage that it was hard to breathe. My knee also started to hurt pretty badly about halfway around the lake. Apparently hefting around a bunch of extra weight for 9 or so months may not have been the greatest on my joints. And then of course there was the general out of shapeishness. Also I felt like I might wet my pants at any moment, but fortunately my bladder control reigns supreme. And Judith was a really good sport and let me walk all I wanted, and we went out for breakfast afterwards. We have many grand half marathon plans for this summer, so I have to get my act together.

8. Scott and Josie came over for dinner on Saturday night with a suitcase full of clothes for Benjamin. He is going to be one well dressed little guy. His dresser is literally breaking with the weight of all this new loot. Expect many new fashion platey photos coming up.

9. Today Loren worked on reseeding the grass and doing general yardwork, and Benjamin and I worked on a lot of nice long napping. It was excellent. And then Grandma Pat and Grandpa Lee had us over for dinner, which was good too.

eau de spit up and Cartier

Well, the first week back in the office is all done, and I feel like it was pretty successful. It was an odd combination of worker bee/mom. I was wearing the suit, with the laptop, and the flat ironed hair, but I was running into the phone room to use the pump, and spilling breast milk on my pants etc. The charade continues though, and no one at work seems to have figured out that I am actually a 14 year old masquerading as a competent adult yet, so thats always good. And while I was tired, I never felt like I would fall asleep at my desk, like in the good old first trimester. The various child care arrangements worked out really well, and the only injury the child sustained was on my watch, which figures. He gouged his forehead with one of those razorsharp little daggers he likes to call fingernails, in the night while he was sleeping. I think the resulting head wound just makes him look tough, like maybe a he's pirate. He doesn't seem to bear me any ill will for leaving him all week either. Of course, he still doesn't realize that he can wilfully move his hands around, so he probably won't get to the angst and resentment toward me until sometime in the future, maybe next week.

its like the first day of school all over again

Yesterday was the dreaded first day back to work. I was kinda nervous about it, but overall, everything went really well. Loren stayed home and watched the Benbino, which was great. He also drove me to work, which saved me hauling the breast pump and my laptop on the bus. It was really weird to be at work for about an hour, and then it was like I never left. I guess thats a good thing? I was definitely ready for a nap by 2:00 though, its a long day to be sitting at a computer and using my brain, especially after getting up at 6. I did manage to make it through without tears or shirt soaking lactation, so I count that as a success. I also got to start one of the books I got for Christmas, Waiting for Birdy, on the bus on the way home. I laughed out loud, its really funny. Not And God Created the Au Pair funny, but really, what is?

Then today was the first day with Marnie the nanny. I was so panicked, running around making sure she knew where everything was, giving last minute instructions, that I forgot to say good bye to the boy. So I stood at the bus stop hyperventilating, trying to decide if I had time to run back and say good bye (no). I was a little disappointed that she didn't have to call me to ask any questions. Talk about not feeling needed. I clearly miss him more than he misses me. Ungrateful little beast. I mean that in the nicest possible way. But everything seemed to go really well, and for that I am supremely grateful.

Date night(s)

This was a good weekend for getting out of the house. I got to see count them, not one, but TWO movies in the theater. On Friday, Grandma Pat watched the papoose while Loren and I went to Il Fornaio and saw Juno. Ok, I know I have already seen it, but it was the only thing playing that I wanted to watch. Then on Saturday Judith and I went to Thai Ginger and 27 Dresses. Love a chick flick about bridesmaid's dresses. I mean, it wasn't a film by any stretch of the imagination, but it was mildly entertaining. It was the longest I think I have been away from the young laddie, and when I got home my shirt was soaked and my boobs were killing me. I was even happier to see Jammy than ususal.

Both movies showed previews for a documentary about the Chicago marathon that is only playing for one day, 2/21. I'm all inspired to go, in hopes that it will get me back out running. A girl can dream, right?

Then today, my mom and I went and got manis and pedis, so I'm all glamorous for going back to work tomorrow. I'm going to wear a suit and everything. Its very exiting. Or scary. However you want to look at it.

My boy

• So, I was rereading some of my blog entries the other day, and I don't think I am really accomplishing what I wanted. I mean, it does sort of create a snapshot of Jammy's day to day life, but it doesn't really capture the things that I most want to remember. Its mostly specific moments of his baby-ness that I know will be short lived that I want to memorialize. Some examples:
  
  Little tiny baby mullet. Party in the back, business in the front. His little hair is so soft, and its darker and longer right above his neck, and then he has a little bald spot in the back. When he wakes up, the sides of it sometimes stick straight out, and he looks like he has funny little wings. It makes him look surprised, or like an Einstein-esque little scientist. It is totally adorable. Sometimes he wakes up having spit up, and it has dried on the back of his neck, and his hair is all crinkly from it.
  
• When he his finished nursing, his cheeks are flushed completely pink.

• Sometimes he sucks in his sleep. Its like he is dreaming about eating. It is so completely adorable. And then he will smile or frown in his sleep too. What is he dreaming about?


• He makes these little cooing noises that just kill me. He has such a beautiful little voice.


• He has the poutiest little lower lip. Sometimes it sticks out in his sleep.


• He gets heavier when he falls asleep in your arms. And he get so relaxed and noodle like, you can flop his arms around.


• He often has these very concerned eyebrows, like he is a little worried about the state of the world.


• Sometimes when he sleeps he sticks his feet up in the air. He will be this little bundle of blanket, and the lower half of it won't be touching the bed. Anti-gravity feet.


• He sleeps with his hands above his head, like he is cheering on some kind of secret baby olympics.


• When he wakes up, he does all these fabulous stretches, and makes these great squinty, grunty, waking up faces. Its just how I feel when I wake up.


• Sometimes he wakes up, and just talks to himself in his crib. When I go to pick him up, his face breaks into his big, drooly, toothless grin. It is the most endearing thing.

• He is a kicky little guy. When I change his diapers, sometimes his legs just keep kicking, like he is doing an imaginary stationary bike.


• When I change his diaper, sometimes he just laughs, like it is the greatest joke ever. His laugh is my most favorite sound in the world. Sometimes it is kind of gurgly, or he sort of gasps for air, like he is laughing so hard he can't breathe. Or else he just smiles, and I try to make him laugh with raspberries and kisses on his little belly, and his cheeks and neck. Its a toss up, whether he will laugh or just smile.


• He tries so hard to hold his head up, but when his neck gets tired, or when he is on his tummy, it wobbles like a little bobble head.

• His hands are so soft and kind of pudgy. There are little dimples at his knuckles.
  

• He so warm and soft and snuggly. He just melts into you when you hold him.
  

It makes me teary eyed to think about all this stuff, and the things that I will mis when he gets bigger. It makes me really reluctant to go back to work, because I don't want to miss out. But at least I know that I am the one missing out, and its not going to bother him at all. He will have all kinds of fun, and I know he will be taken care of probably better than I do. But I really will miss him. I was telling him that today was the last day of our special fun summer vacation together, and about how much fun I had with him, and about who was going to be taking care of him next week, and I just couldn't stop crying. He did his best to cheer me up though. What a nice baby.

The Garage Dilemma and Back to Work

So, two things were on the schedule today, which breaks my only schedule one thing rule. First I went in to work for a meeting, and second we had another contractor come and present a garage bid.

I have been sort of dreading going back to work, for no good reason. I actually really like my job, and I get to work on cool projects with people I really like. There really isn't anything to worry about, but I was worrying anyway. So I went in for a lunch meeting, and everyone was really nice, and it reminded me of why I like my job. So, I am much less apprehensive about going back. Although I am still worried about lumpiness and spontanesous shirt soaking lactation. Subject for another day.

Second thing for the day was the garage contractor. One of the problems with our very non-new construction house is its lack of a playroom/tv room/hangout space. Right now the tv is in the living room (not cool) and there is no good space for the tiny dictator to spread out his toys and play (also not cool). Not that he does that yet, but its on his 5 year plan. The idea has been to build a garage in back, where our cruddy old carport is, along with a shop/storage area. Then we could move the workbench and tools, and all the yard stuff - lawnmower, rakes, shovels, what have you - out of the basement, so we could finish the basement. So that has been the plan. Enter the contractor bidding process. We called 5 design build contractors, and ended up having 3 come out and bid the project. Yikes! Bids from 70k - 90k pretty much killed the garage plan. We definitely don't need 90k worth of woodshop.
Sooo, enter the revised plan, as of today. The new idea is to finish 75% of the basement as man land/ BAM land, and leave 25% of it as storage/shop. Then purchase a prefab Home Depot shed to store yard tools etc on it. Which runs about 88 thousand dollars less than the garage. Seems like a better plan. So, first step we will embark on is to start the great basement cleanout. We will be craigslisting a ton of stuff this weekend, and dissasembling the drum kit. Its a very exciting step! You all know how I love to get rid of stuff. I like it almost as much as I like getting new stuff. So if you are interested in weightbench, outdoor equipment or piles of wood, please let me know, as it will be leaving shortly. Yay!